In 2015, I started this year with optimism, seeing that last year (2014) I performed not goo enough (Well, some people said I was performing well, but well is not enough for me). More important is… not like other year, I wrote my target in 2015, yeaaay! and hopefully, I can fulfill all the targets. My family also has some optimism, my youngest and first brother is starting to adapt with their school/college, my second brother is training and studying so hard so that he can join army and or pass the SNMPTN test, and my parents start to be loose on our financial problem and start focusing on their health (the one that I am grateful for). However, I (or my family to be exact) also got a shocking news, my second younger brother have a partial blind color.
When I first heard the news, it broke my heart, literally and metaphorically. My second brother is one of few people that I know who know what he wants to be since he was in play ground. He wants to be an army, like my uncle. We supported them. He has everything tha Army needs, good body posture, clever minds, patient and obedient trait. We also know how hard he trained physically for the admission test. Besides the Army, because he likes physics (well at least he understands the formula and the concept between that cute letter), I encourage him to take physics and then have major in geophysics. We all know how much money will be thrown in oil area and he starts to likes the idea. And then bam! Army and Geophysics are gone when he know he has partial blind color. When I read articles in websites, so many faculty that doesn’t allow partial blind color person to join and also many companies who doesn’t accept them and these things made him sadder.
It broke our hearts to see him sad. I never know that I will be this sad to see him sad. Well, I am not a good sister, I admit that, but to know that your brother can not have something because something that he can not change, it is just…sad. When I talk to him about it, It feels like he lost the hope, in everything. Well, it is normal, I know. First because he has tried his hardest and second he can not do anything with it in achieving his dream. Hope, according to Lopez (in Tartakovsky, 2013) has four core beliefs, which are the future will be better than presents, I have the power to make it so, There are many paths to my goals and None of them is free of obstacles. I think, my brother has lost the second beliefs which is the power.
I know that he can not be drown into sadness for long, I know that we also can not be drown in to the same one. Me and My family should be strong for him, me and my oldest brother should be a guide for him. I said to him bluntly, I don’t know how it feels, to can not achieve something because of something unchangeable however, I always believe that there is a reason. Honestly, I still can not find a reason for this situation and neither does he. However, I do pray and pray that God will guide him to find one so that he will find closure and acceptance.
This moment makes me reflect on my target. I have some competency, maybe i have my own limit that I can not change, however, looking at my target in 2015, I think my limitation is something that I still can change and control to achieve the target. Well, it doesn’t hurt to try right? Shame on me if I am not working so hard to achieve them because I have the power to do so. Soo, pray for me please, folks? and also my brother?
Start Monday with Optimism 🙂